It takes all kinds!

We see it on the playground. We see it in the classroom. And I am sure you see it at home. There are those children that will fall, get hurt, wear their shoes backwards, and it does not seem to faze them. And then there are those who need their food cut in exactly .5-inch slices, who need their jacket in exactly the right spot and can not fathom doing things out of order in the mornings. Parents will often comment on how X was such a laid-back baby, or how Y has always been particular (and emotional) about everything. Oftentimes, we wonder how siblings can be such exact opposites. Is it genetics? Is it parenting style? Is it birth order? Or is it all of that AND the temperament of the child?

It certainly keeps us on our toes, as parents and educators. For those who may be a bit more “intense” than the rest, we must put a bit more effort to make sure things are exactly right. Routines must be set and food preferences taken into account. I know that it can seem a bit unfair and frustrating at times. Given that a large part of it seems to be temperament, there is a certain lack of control that we may feel when taking care of the little ones who are in our charge. Or that we must be such different care givers to different children.

There are two important ideas that I have to remind myself when I sense that I am getting worked up over this. Firstly, the ever-present Montessori question of, what does this child need at this stage? How can I set up our routine, our space, so that I give them what they need? Some children may need a lot of emotional support. Knowing that drop-offs, transitions or even trying to get ready on their own may include a lot of tears, hugs, and presence. Knowing when your child needs your support, you can rearrange your schedule to ensure that you have some time to devote to that. Being able to sit and watch them put on their shoes, struggle, need some help and hopefully eventually get it. And then being able to tell them, I need you to do X right now on your own. I will be in the kitchen and can help if you need. Letting them know that I am here for you but not with you at this moment. Emotional support, either directly or indirectly helps the child complete the task at hand.

(I must admit after some trial and error, I have also figured out the right socks (with no tags), the right shoes (with no “bumps” in them) and right type of food to pack for my child. All these things help minimize the hurdles towards independence)

The other thought is something I keep in mind at the school. Teaching the leaders of tomorrow is a cheesy line that is said often in early childhood education. Except, to sit back and think about it, really imagine each of these children being a leader in some field. What would they bring to the table? What kind of personality do they have that will shape them into the leaders that our world needs? The intense child will use her stubbornness to make sure her ideas are heard, and her actions have an impact. She will make sure that things are done EXACTLY how she wants them. She will move mountains in the future with her strong opinions and rock hard will.

And the child that is laid back and goes with the flow – well, that shows me one thing: Flexibility! If we have learnt anything this year, it’s that we all need the ability to turn things on its head over night. This leader will go into the world and be able to think outside the box. Throw a pandemic at her, and she will be able to take it in stride. With a sense of calm, she will be able to direct those around her through the various storms that she may face.

And guess what, our world will need both types of leaders! So the next time you marvel at how your child seems to be some type of extreme… think 30 years down the road. How will these eccentricities shape them into a leader?