From ME to WE

Everything from the previous blog post seizes to exist by the time the children are in Kindergarten (for the most part). There is a blossoming of social life that happens for each child somewhere along their journey through the Montessori. This “blossoming” is quite apparent at this time during the year, when the Kindergartners have one foot in the second plane of development, which is the social phase!

There comes a time when the child wants to join in on a work or a game on the playground. Sometimes we see the child hover at the edges of the group, unsure of the best way to become a part of it. Imagine being somewhere new and figuring out how to join a conversation with adults! It is quite similarly nerve-wracking. Sometimes, we see a child continuously try to “disrupt” the current game, much to the dismay of those who are trying to play it! In fact, that child most likely wants the game to continue and wants to take part in it, which is not obvious by their actions. In either case, the young child needs to learn to use the phrase “Can I play with you?” and is explicitly taught these words by our teachers.

A beautiful rule at our school: If someone wants to join your game, you can’t say no. You have to figure out a way to include them.

The group is then forced to think of ways of broadening the number of people playing the game, as well as introduced to new ideas by the friend who is joining.

At around the same age, other children come up with creative games that involve a group of people. Depending on the game (and the day), other children may easily join the game. However, sometimes the game is not taken up by anyone. The child may be a bit disheartened, with “Why is no one playing with me?” At this point we see what is more important for the child at that stage: playing their own game or playing with friends. Children may choose either one but the important lesson to be learnt is that you can not force your friends to play what you want to play.

This brings me to the word of day (week?): Compromise! When the need to be with peers is greater than the need to play your OWN game, discussions start. The children may take turns playing games. The games may merge. Or a third game may be created by everyone together. These compromises are important stepping stones to becoming a “WE”. The confidence and independence that formed the base of the child’s experience at the Montessori help to form positive friendships as they go through their time at the school. How much do I want to compromise? How much to do I want to play MY game? What do I do if I don’t want to play what is being played? These are all questions that the children navigate every day on the playground. In our small community, they are given the freedom to figure out the answers, make mistakes and start again the next day.

The teachers are largely observers on the playground, assuming all rules are being followed. If a disagreement arises, they may step in and ask each party what they would like to be done. They facilitate conversations and offer sentences that the children can practice saying to one another. By the end of their third year at the school, many children have become pros and these sentences. The discussions and compromises happen mostly without a lot of adult involvement. Hurt feelings are understood by peers and solutions are offered so that many groups are playing together or in a few groups that change around fluidly. Just yesterday, I saw a child approach a group and met with “Hey, come here! We are trying to get all the water from one tire into the other.” They all worked together for a while figuring out the best way to do that.

The second plane of development (6 – 9 years of age) involves many new ways of thinking, including the questioning (of everything!), wanting to know the reasons behind everything and a strong sense of justice. However, this social stage also involves wanting to be with peers, learning how to be with different types of peers and working together in play and academics.