Do we ever say "No" in the Montessori classroom?

There are some families that believe that the Montessori philosophy is too strict and, funnily enough, some who believe that the philosophy is not strict enough. Some people say that children are allowed to do whatever they want in the Montessori classroom. While this is not true, the guidelines and structure that is built into our classrooms, make “discipline” look very different. To discipline is to teach, rather than to give consequences.

In a recent professional development class I took, a participant asked “How do I learn to control the children in my classroom better?”. The teacher calmly replied that the adult does not, in fact, have control over the children in the classroom. Children at this age will do what they want to do. The adult’s job is to make sure that everyone is safe and each child is able to meet their needs through the prepared environment.

If a child is going to do what they want, doesn’t that mean that there are no rules in the classroom? Actually, a typical Montessori classroom spends a lot of time in the beginning of the year talking about how they are a community, or a classroom family. As a group, their job is to make sure that they keep themselves, each other and the environment safe. Those are the only rules. Safety may include some things such as:

• Walking in the classroom, to keep your body and the materials safe.
• Talking in softer voices, to make sure the friends who are working are not disturbed.
• Water the plants, to make sure they are healthy and growing.

If someone is doing something that is not in line with this guideline, a helpful reminder from the teacher or a peer is most often enough to maintain the safe environment. (Just this week, I was given a friendly reminder by a first year old to put on my inside shoes to keep our floors clean!) These reminders, especially from the teacher, are in positive statements and remind the friends what they CAN do in the classroom. A typical conversation might look like:

• Hey, I see our friend working hard on X here. When you talk in loud voice, do you think she can concentrate on her work? How can we help her?
• “walking feet” (This is a common one, especially as spring fever hits all our friends!)

When helpful reminders are not enough, the teachers first make sure that everyone and everything is safe. They then take stock of what is actually going on for that child. Is there a lot of gross motor energy? Is there a need to socialize that isn’t being met? If a child’s need is identified, then we can brainstorm ways to meet that need in the classroom, without having to stop that child’s behavior. Raking leaves, shoveling snow are a great way to get rid of some of the energy and help the child feel like a positive contributor to the school community. Just recently, a teacher at the school told me about a particular child’s need to be held and hugged. The child was able to go complete many independent works after being hugged for a while by the teacher. She was able to understand that this child needs some physical support and reassurance. So rather than expecting them to get directly to work, the teacher would be aware of days when the need was strong and be able to meet it first.

At home, in the middle of winter, my child began her love of climbing. As soon as my back was turned, she would be up on the nearest piece of furniture. Not only was this a safety issue, but all our “big kid toys” were no longer safe wherever we put them! I had gotten tired of saying no (without actually saying no) and limiting what my child was craving to do. We figured out some safe places to climb and made them accessible and blocked off the places that were not safe. We also invested in some “logs and stumps” that provided an outlet for her need. These did not mean we still would not find her in odd places, but it was less frequent.

In our classrooms, and in the Montessori philosophy, “No” and “Don’t do that” is not frequently used. But that does not in any way mean that children are given the freedom to do whatever they want.