Discussing Hard Topics with Children

Discussing Hard Topics with Young Children

For the second blog post, I had thought about posting a short introduction to Montessori. However, I thought that unfortunately, a more relevant topic this week might be “dealing with difficult topics with young children”. While there are many ways to deal with this topic, from completely sheltering them from current events to sharing details about the topic at hand, the Montessori way of discussing difficult topics lies somewhere in the middle. The Montessori philosophy states that children should not be lied to, especially if they have asked a direct question. However, the information that is shared with children should be age-appropriate. For me, while both these statements made sense, they did not give a lot of guidance on how to approach difficult topics. Over the years, I’ve realized the following things:

• Keep it simple.
• Keep it short.
• Be real about emotions.

Keeping it simple is a different way of saying that it should be age appropriate. As a rule, in our house, current events are discussed with the adults in the house. News is not consumed by the children through any other sources. We do not watch the news together nor look at any articles/pictures while the children are around. Many times, if my son asks a question regarding something he has heard, either from peers or from us, it can be explained using words that bring it to his level. “There are two people who do not agree on something. So they are trying to figure out what is the best way to move forward.” Using such language is a familiar place for him and makes him feel safe and less stressed. Such a statement usually elicits a familiar solution as well: “Well mom, couldn’t they find some compromise, or maybe ask someone else to help them figure out a solution.” From there, I can even move it towards examples from his life.

Keeping it short was a harder rule to follow for me. I realized that I should listen to his question and only answer what he is asking. In November, the question “what is an election?” could have gone in many different directions. It caused a bit of panic in me initially as I thought about what all I possibly needed to explain. However, saying that “it is a process where everybody picks between a few choices”, immediately had him talk about how they voted to name the fish in his classroom. It answered his question and gave him the facts. Sometimes I ask him what else he knows about a topic, so I can think through what needs to be shared or clarified. At other times I may tell him that I’d have to think about what to talk to him about since it is a topic mostly for adults, remembering to go back to the topic when I am ready. However, it is good to remember that while we may have current events on our mind often, many times their questions do not need us to get into these events at all.

What I am working on now is to be real regarding my emotions. Even if we try to hide it, children feed off the energy we give and know when we might be in a less peaceful state of mind. Many times, preemptively letting them know that you are stressed/frustrated/sad helps them understand that such emotions are valid. It shows them that sharing these emotions is important and that discussing them often makes us feel better. I oftentimes ask for a hug or receive one in times of stress. Sometimes the conversation leads to a longer discussion about why I am feeling a certain way. If that’s the case, once again keeping it short and simple is the way to go.

ALL our discussions end with me letting my children know that I love them and I will always keep them safe. At their age, their “egocentric” natures will end up being concerned about themselves at the end of the day. As long as they hear this message loud and clear, it will help them navigate whatever else they might encounter.

For another great resource: https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/helping-children-with-tragic-events-in-the-news