Brevity is the soul of… our classrooms!

Do you ever wonder if your child has listened to and understood everything that you have said? Especially when directions to do a particular action are involved. I have now gotten pretty good at recognizing a glazed-over look that comes over my son’s eyes. Every now and then I must stop and ask myself: Is it because he does not want to listen or is it because he cannot take in that much oral information? In other words, am I talking too much?

As part of the Montessori philosophy, we believe that when communicating with children, especially young ones, less is more! In the classroom, we try very hard to practice using as few words as possible. Beginning lessons for the 3-year-old child are oftentimes completely silent. Maria Montessori knew that children are not able to listen to what you are saying and look at what you are doing at the same time. Especially when the lessons involve complicated hand or whole-body movement, the child needs to focus on the actions. Listening to words make this concentration difficult. So, the next time you may be showing your child how to put on shoes or crack an egg, try showing silently and then having them copy.

The brevity of words is also apparent in the directions we give. A simple, quiet “Walking feet” might be much more effective than “Please don’t run. You should walk otherwise you will hurt yourself.” To a young child, the first action word in that sentence that he or she hears is actually “run!”. The child also takes some time to take in all the information and then change the actions. This time may be too long, especially if you are trying to get him or her to change quickly and safely.

The area where I personally struggle with brevity is conflict management. When two friends are having trouble working together, my gut instinct is to start talking about right and wrong and steps to take. However, what is often most effective is having the children talk about what has happened and what they would like to happen. As the adult, asking a few key questions here and there is highly effective. What has happened? What would you like to do? How can I help? And can you think of a way you both could work together? These questions, spoken intermittently, help children vocalize the situation and their emotions and come up with their own solutions to the problems. In the end, they learn to become independent problem solvers as well as self-regulators of their own emotions.

Even for younger friends, if they are in distress, of course you would first want to check to make sure they are not hurt. After that, a hug (if invited), a pat on the back or a warm smile goes a long way to let them know that you are there for them. Nonverbal communication is not only important at this age, but it is oftentimes what they need! Very recently I was observing a classroom and trying hard to be a fly on the wall. A friend came up to me and said, “I miss my mom and dad.” After getting a nonverbal response from me: my outstretched arms, I got a very long and silent hug. The hug abruptly ended with a “I need to go wash the windows now.” My friend disappeared to continue their productive morning. It was such an important reminder for me, and it was done completely silently.

Now of course you may not be able to mimic the silent interactions of the classroom, nor would you want to. The role of a parent is very different than one of an educator and they should be kept separate. However, if your child is having difficultly listening to directions or paying attention to what you are saying, it is a good time to stop and reflect. Silence may be golden, and a way to connect in a different way with your child.