All About ME!

From around two years of age until well into the first year at the Montessori school, a child develops and solidifies the idea that they are separate from their parents, an own individual who can learn and practice new skills. This focus on the sense of self is strong and stays with them until even the age of four. Oftentimes, new parents at the school will comment on how their child will probably follow the teacher around all day and be concerned about their lack of interest in their peers. However, this is completely developmentally appropriate!

During this time, certain sensitive periods are strong (and come and go) in each child. Each child is driven to want to learn certain skills. Our classroom environment provides them with the opportunity to learn and practice these skills. Strengthening their hands, learning to put things in order, sorting objects and walking around with objects in their hands are all common activities that are done early in the classroom.

In addition to the activities, the children learn how to take care of themselves: putting on shoes, going to the bathroom, putting on a jacket and getting a drink of water. Alongside the care-of-self, the children are also taught to help take care of the environment: watering the plants, polishing objects, and sweeping the classroom. Everything that they do in our classrooms are geared towards increasing their confidence and independence. These two skills form the basis of establishing strong, positive relationships later in life.

These same children have already formed and strengthened strong relationships with the adults in their life, parents, caregivers, and the teachers at our school. They see these adults as a place of safety and comfort: someone they can go to if they need something or to share how they are feeling. These adults usually understand their needs and can help them meet these needs. In the classroom, the children usually ask the adults for lessons or for help with something. They may interact with an older child, either as an observer or to work on the same materials. However, the goal is still to learn and practice new skills for their own self. They are so interested in learning new skills and practicing them that everything they do and say in the classroom revolves around themselves. The actual need to socialize, to get to know the other child or to play something together does not really exist in the beginning.

Playdates at this age also seem a bit strange at first. There is a lot of parallel play, each child playing with their own toys. They may ask (or want) each other’s toys and may observe how the other child is playing with the toy. Many parents’ have often joked that the playdates at 3 are really for the adults. Even at 5, my son will sometimes “take a break” during a playdate, with both children doing their own thing for a while.

The “big emotions” we often see at this stage can also be traced to this egocentric phase. In the classroom, many younger children find it hard to wait their turn to get help. They also find it hard to wait to tell something at circle. The first few months are spent learning to get a teacher’s attention (by putting their hand on the adult’s shoulder and waiting). Also, they learn to raise their hand if they want to talk at circle AND wait to be called on. This second step is oftentimes much trickier than the first. Not receiving attention from an adult can be extremely hard. We try to show and tell them that even if we can not help them immediately, we still care for them deeply. Just because they are becoming independent and not needing adults to do things for them as much, does not mean that the love for them has diminished in any way.

As parents, we should know that this phase does not last forever and that their disinterest in their peers is completely normal. In fact, helping them develop a strong sense of self will help them learn about what kinds of relationships are best for them, as well as give them the confidence to join groups, to say No and to learn to function within a group. That is why next time the blog post will talk about going from ME to WE, the stages and challenges that come along with this new social phase!